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Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.
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Google Asks NSA For Security Help

In light of recent hacking attacks, search engine leviathan Google has asked the National Security Agency for help securing its network. What do you think?
  • "And in return Google can help the NSA do something funny with its website logo each day."

    Kerrin Shea Systems Analyst
  • "Given the NSA's impressive record, they should be able to uncover valuable intelligence to help protect Google at least several months after a catastrophic attack on the company."

    Gareth Wembley Rim-Turning Finisher
  • "I'll come clean, before this becomes a huge problem. I confess to visiting the SuicideGirls website on my church's computer."

    Niles Ebbets Unemployed

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