adBlockCheck

Google Asks NSA For Security Help

Top Headlines

Science & Technology

Facebook’s Plans For The Future

From instant articles to live video, Facebook continues to look for new ways to expand its reach and offerings. Here are some plans on the horizon for the social media giant

Brita Unveils New In-Throat Water Filters

OAKLAND, CA—Representatives from Brita, the nation’s bestselling brand of household water filtration products, held a press event Wednesday to unveil a new line of filters designed to be installed directly inside users’ throats.

Video Game Henchmen Plan Meetup Around Explosive Barrels

LEVEL 5—A group of video game henchmen patrolling the warehouse hideout of their criminal mastermind boss informed reporters Wednesday of their upcoming plan to take a brief break from making their rounds to meet up around a stack of five highly explosive barrels.

Study Links Clinical Depression To Getting Dunked On

BOSTON—Identifying a significant factor contributing to the development of the mental health disorder, researchers from Harvard Medical School published a groundbreaking study Thursday that reportedly links clinical depression to getting dunked on.

How Dating Sites Match Their Users

With millions of people opting to use online dating sites to meet new potential romantic partners, many are wondering how computer algorithms can enhance their chances of finding “the one.” Here are the steps that dating sites take to match compatible users

How To File A Patent

In the United States, anyone who believes they have invented something truly unique is welcome to fill out a patent application to protect it, but it’s often a complicated and laborious process. Here are the steps involved in securing a patent

EPA Urges Nation To Develop New Air Source

WASHINGTON—Citing the hazardous levels of carbon dioxide and other pollutants accumulating in the atmosphere, officials from the Environmental Protection Agency urged the nation this week to develop a new air source.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Healthy Living

Google Asks NSA For Security Help

In light of recent hacking attacks, search engine leviathan Google has asked the National Security Agency for help securing its network. What do you think?
  • "And in return Google can help the NSA do something funny with its website logo each day."

    Kerrin Shea Systems Analyst
  • "Given the NSA's impressive record, they should be able to uncover valuable intelligence to help protect Google at least several months after a catastrophic attack on the company."

    Gareth Wembley Rim-Turning Finisher
  • "I'll come clean, before this becomes a huge problem. I confess to visiting the SuicideGirls website on my church's computer."

    Niles Ebbets Unemployed

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close