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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Google Blasted Over Privacy

Google, the popular search engine, is under fire for having the worst privacy practices on the web. What do you think?
  • "And no one's arrested me yet? How sick are the people watching me?"

    Cara Tydrich Systems Analyst
  • "This news has definitely made me think twice about providing my credit card number along with each search query."

    Sam Brenneman Camping Guide
  • "Well, since Google already knows, I might as well just say it: I frequently search for good deals on antique furniture."

    Hector Stein Assisted Care Administrator

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