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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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Google Blimps To Bring Wi-Fi To Emerging Countries

Google is reportedly seeking to build a network of high-altitude blimps to transmit wireless internet signals across sub-Saharan Africa and Southeast Asia, with each blimp capable of offering Wi-Fi access over several hundred square miles of land. What do you think?

  • “Can we just have blimps without the gimmick?”

    Ricardo Pentangelo Ticket Taker
  • “I wonder if the current infrastructure can even support that many noobs.”

    Loretta Trim Snap Attacher
  • “Nice PR stunt. Maybe I’ll try their search engine sometime.”

    Rodney Cornell Cigarette Tester

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