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Man Holding Hands With Pregnant Woman Must Have Weird Fetish

RED BANK, NJ—Testing the limits of what even the most progressive onlookers considered publicly acceptable, a man was seen by multiple witnesses Tuesday holding hands with a visibly pregnant woman in what many could only interpret as the expression of a bizarre fetish.

Grandma Looking Like Absolute Shit Lately

VERO BEACH, FL—Unable to ignore the 86-year-old’s dramatic physical decline since they last saw her, sources within the Delahunt family reported Monday that their grandmother Shirley is looking like absolute shit lately.

A Basic Guide To Dream Interpretation

Dreaming is a universal human experience, and many similar themes arise in people’s dreams the world over. The Onion provides some context for interpreting these common dreams:
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Google Blimps To Bring Wi-Fi To Emerging Countries

Google is reportedly seeking to build a network of high-altitude blimps to transmit wireless internet signals across sub-Saharan Africa and Southeast Asia, with each blimp capable of offering Wi-Fi access over several hundred square miles of land. What do you think?

  • “Can we just have blimps without the gimmick?”

    Ricardo Pentangelo Ticket Taker
  • “I wonder if the current infrastructure can even support that many noobs.”

    Loretta Trim Snap Attacher
  • “Nice PR stunt. Maybe I’ll try their search engine sometime.”

    Rodney Cornell Cigarette Tester

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