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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Google Glass Users Facing Verbal, Physical Attacks

Amid rising tensions in San Francisco between native residents and wealthy tech entrepreneurs gentrifying the city, more reports have surfaced of anti-tech protesters targeting Google Glass wearers with physical attacks and verbal assaults like “Glasshole.” What do you think?

  • “I hope the attackers were careful to punch around the eyewear.”

    Jeff Duncan Systems Analyst
  • “People need to lighten up about being recorded every single moment of the day.”

    Susan Ripley Millwright
  • “Since Native Americans lived there first, who’s the real Glasshole?”

    Brady Morris Survey Researcher

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