adBlockCheck

Recent News

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
End Of Section
  • More News

Google Glass Users Facing Verbal, Physical Attacks

Amid rising tensions in San Francisco between native residents and wealthy tech entrepreneurs gentrifying the city, more reports have surfaced of anti-tech protesters targeting Google Glass wearers with physical attacks and verbal assaults like “Glasshole.” What do you think?

  • “I hope the attackers were careful to punch around the eyewear.”

    Jeff Duncan Systems Analyst
  • “People need to lighten up about being recorded every single moment of the day.”

    Susan Ripley Millwright
  • “Since Native Americans lived there first, who’s the real Glasshole?”

    Brady Morris Survey Researcher
More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close