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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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Google Losing Steam

Google recently suffered a 13% percent drop in stock price, the sharpest drop in the history of the company. What do you think?
  • "I foresaw the company's imminent collapse when I searched for 'Dakota Fanning nude' and only got 673 hits."

    Greg O’Neill Receptionist
  • "Maybe if they didn't spend all their money revamping the logo for every obscure holiday, they wouldn't be in this mess."

    Bob Nouveau Jewelers Apprentice
  • "This surely proves what I’ve been saying all along about the Internet being a passing fad."

    Kate Carolan Seamstress

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