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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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Google Losing Steam

Google recently suffered a 13% percent drop in stock price, the sharpest drop in the history of the company. What do you think?
  • "I foresaw the company's imminent collapse when I searched for 'Dakota Fanning nude' and only got 673 hits."

    Greg O’Neill Receptionist
  • "Maybe if they didn't spend all their money revamping the logo for every obscure holiday, they wouldn't be in this mess."

    Bob Nouveau Jewelers Apprentice
  • "This surely proves what I’ve been saying all along about the Internet being a passing fad."

    Kate Carolan Seamstress
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