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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.
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‘Goonies’ Sequel In The Works

Reports are surfacing that a sequel is in store for The Goonies, the 1985 film about a group of kids hunting for treasure to save their homes from foreclosure, a possibility that has delighted fans who hope to see the film return with original cast remembers like Josh Brolin and Corey Feldman. What do you think?

  • “But they found the treasure and saved the Goon Docks. I saw them do it.”

    Jake Gorman Social Media Consultant
  • “I can’t wait to see what new cast of unknown young characters the sequel awkwardly shifts focus to.”

    Amanda Rushen Unit Supervisor
  • “I could see Corey Feldman getting on board with this as long as the script is just right.”

    Chris Watson-Johnson Antiques Appraiser

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