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GOP To Spend $10 Million Reaching Out To Minorities

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Charles Koch Orders Sniper To Fire Warning Shot Next To Marco Rubio On Debate Stage

GREENVILLE, SC—In response to the presidential candidate’s unsatisfactory answer to a question about the economic effects of environmental regulations, Koch Industries CEO Charles Koch reportedly ordered a sniper positioned in the rafters of the Greenville Peace Center to fire a warning shot near Marco Rubio’s podium during Saturday’s Republican debate.
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    The number of Americans who went to the movies hit a 20-year low in 2014, leaving theaters scrambling to find ways to incentivize the public to see new releases on the big screen rather than watch films at home or on the internet. Here are some methods theaters are using to win back audiences and increase box office sales:

GOP To Spend $10 Million Reaching Out To Minorities

Following an “autopsy” of the party’s defeat in last year’s presidential election, the Republican National Committee earmarked $10 million to bring the party’s message to African-Americans, Hispanics, and Asian-Americans in cities throughout the country. What do you think?

  • “I’m not sure I like the idea of political groups spending money to influence election outcomes.”

    Georgina Federman
    Needle Polisher
  • “The best ideas always come out of autopsies.”

    Shane Puluti
    Hair Sample Matcher
  • “Yeah, 20 million stress balls that say ‘GOP Hearts Colored People’ ought to do it.”

    Huey Rose
    University Dean

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