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Politics

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Gore For President

Vice President Al Gore plans to formally announce his bid for the presidency on June 16. What do you think about Gore running in 2000?
  • "Sure, what the hell? This Gore guy couldn't be any worse than the losers we have in office now."

    Gary Podesto Locksmith
  • "Why are you asking me who should be president? It's not like I have any input in the matter."

    Jacqueline Effman Legal Secretary
  • "He should definitely be elected. Gore and Hillary would make a great couple."

    Liz Myrick Dialysis Technician
  • "You mean we're still having presidents after this whole Lewinsky scandal?"

    Neil Krasnow Systems Analyst
  • "Gore vs. Bush... the same choice I have to face in selecting my pay-per-view movies every night."

    Keith Talley Mechanic
  • "We must elect Gore. Jay Leno has barely scratched the surface of joking about his stiff and wooden disposition. Four more years!"

    Bruce McDonough Metallurgist

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