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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.
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Gorsuch Sworn In As Supreme Court Justice

Trump nominee Neil M. Gorsuch has been confirmed by 54-45 vote and sworn in as the 113th Supreme Court justice. What do you think?

  • “I still can’t believe Merrick Garland died so suddenly.”

    Edna Cassey Chair Sander
  • “It just goes to show that if you study hard and apply yourself and the Western world suffers a string of catastrophic lapses in judgement, the sky’s the limit.”

    Phil Ruteledge Sheet Folder
  • “He has some backwards shoes to fill.”

    Brandt Niles Detective Trainee

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