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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.
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Gospel Of Judas Found

A 1,700-year-old papyrus document called the Gospel of Judas indicates that the apostle Judas betrayed Jesus to the Romans at his request. What do you think?
  • "For 30 pieces of silver, a papyrus document can say whatever you want it to say."

    Anita Lopez Travel Agent
  • "First Mary Magdalene's not a whore, and now this. I'm sick of changing my entire belief system every time they find a scrap of papyrus in the middle of the desert."

    Rick Fender Electronics Salesperson
  • "Heresy! Heresy! Heresy! Don't interrupt me, I'm on a roll here. Now, what was I saying? Oh yeah... Heresy!"

    Allen Dennison Systems Analyst

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