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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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Government Admits To Using Drones In U.S.

FBI Director Robert Mueller admitted yesterday that his agency uses unmanned aerial vehicles for surveillance within the United States, stating that the agency’s drones are used “very seldom” and in a “very minimal way.” What do you think?

  • “Outrageous. All domestic surveillance vehicles should have people inside.”

    George Curfman Mincemeat Maker
  • “Well as long as it’s in a ‘very minimal way.’ Otherwise, can you imagine how unsettling this would be?”

    Jojo Gilliam Piano Assembler
  • “I’m kind of upset about this, but I’m sure they paid a lot of money for those drones, so they should probably get some use out of them.”

    Dennis Raschilla Unemployed
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Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

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