Government Approves Sale Of Powdered Alcohol

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Vol 50 Issue 16

Ronald McDonald Gets Millennial Makeover

McDonald’s officials announced this week that they are redesigning longtime mascot Ronald McDonald with a new outfit and will begin mentioning him on Twitter using the hashtag #ronaldmcdonald, though he does not yet have an account of his own.

Local TCBY Has Missed Past 2 Logo Changes

Obama spends another night searching behind White House paintings for safes, an autopsy determines a total loser's corpse contained no traces of drugs or alcohol, and a superstitious Delta Airlines adds busty mermaids to its plane noses.
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Government Approves Sale Of Powdered Alcohol

The U.S. Alcohol and Tobacco Tax and Trade Bureau has approved a new product nicknamed “Palcohol,” a powdered alcohol that can be added to water to create mixed drinks or ingested by eating or snorting. What do you think?

  • “The alcohol in bottles still works pretty well, too.”

    Cynthia Postlethwaite
    Funeral Planner
  • “Can they also make a powdered cheesesteak that I can inhale at 3 a.m.?”

    Donald Ripley
    Unemployed
  • “Sorry, but I just don’t see people snorting things for fun.”

    Matthew Flanner
    Application Processor
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