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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Government Bans Sugary, Fatty Snacks From Schools

Under the government’s new “Smart Snacks in Schools” guidelines, schools will no longer be allowed to stock vending machines or snack bars with treats exceeding 200 calories or those including trans fats. What do you think?

  • “I’m glad someone’s figured out how to say no to my kid.”

    Doc Gertz Mineralogist
  • “Anything that deprives students of the smallest amount of pleasure is fine by me.”

    Marco Fuentes Gear Straightener
  • “What’s my kid supposed to do with his hands now?”

    Leslie Roesch Trophy Assembler
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