adBlockCheck

Recent News

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
End Of Section
  • More News

Government Internet Surveillance Rising

Nearly doubling the figure from three years ago, the world’s governments requested access to Google’s private data almost 21,000 times during the first half of 2012, with the United States making the most demands. What do you think?

  • “If the U.S. government wants to see how much I Google ‘America U.S.A. Excellent,’ then that’s fine by me.”

    Alton Gough Systems Analyst
  • “I didn’t realize we were allowed to do that. I’ll take my ex’s new address, please.”

    Cedric Itzhak Refinery Supervisor
  • “That’s why I always tack on ‘just kidding’ after any search for illegal stuff.”

    Vanessa Lopez Hot Roll Laminator

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close