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‘Lost Dog’ Poster Really Tooting Dog’s Horn

BROOKLYN, NY—Claiming the flyer could really stand to tone it down a little, sources said a lost dog poster that began appearing in Brooklyn’s Fort Greene neighborhood Tuesday was really tooting the dog’s horn.

FDA Rents Party House Upstate To Test New Drug

TOBYHANNA, PA—With preclinical studies of an in-development cholesterol-reducing medication now complete, Food and Drug Administration officials confirmed Monday they would be conducting initial trials of the new drug at a large party house they had rented in upstate Pennsylvania.

Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.
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Government Offers $50,000 To Stop Robocalls

Citing thousands of monthly complaints about robocalls, the Federal Trade Commission has offered a $50,000 award to anyone who devises a technology to block illegal automated telemarketing calls while leaving legitimate calls unaffected. What do you think?

  • “I don’t think the FTC has thought this through. Do they even realize how many jobs this would cost the scamming industry?”

    Pam Troop Paramedic
  • “I don’t want to brag, but our government must be doing pretty well if it’s suddenly throwing around $50,000.”

    Ky Wood Quilt Stuffer
  • “Make that $50,010. I’ll throw in 10 more bucks.”

    Clarence Kressel Well Driller

More from this section

FDA Rents Party House Upstate To Test New Drug

TOBYHANNA, PA—With preclinical studies of an in-development cholesterol-reducing medication now complete, Food and Drug Administration officials confirmed Monday they would be conducting initial trials of the new drug at a large party house they had rented in upstate Pennsylvania.

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