Government Offers $50,000 To Stop Robocalls

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Vol 48 Issue 43

Meat Loaf Endorses Romney

Performing after the band Big & Rich at a Romney rally last night, Meat Loaf offered the candidate an unusual, rambling endorsement in which the 65-year-old rocker mentioned that he had never been involved in politics before, that the Cold War is not ...

Man Throws Money At Problem

A birthday card is discreetly passed around the office like some sort of covert CIA operation, Apple's gag division unveils the sleekest fake dog shit to date, and cactus scientists recommend drinking 8 cups of water per year.

U.S. Signs Declaration Of Dependence On China

WASHINGTON—In what is certain to be regarded as a defining moment in the nation’s history, leading U.S. political figures gathered at the Capitol today to sign their names to the newly drafted Declaration of Dependence ...
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  • The Onion’s Guide To Gym Etiquette

    Every new year brings a surge in gym membership from new members nicknamed “resolutionists,” many of whom may be unaware that there are unspoken rules everyone must observe when working out.

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Government Offers $50,000 To Stop Robocalls

Citing thousands of monthly complaints about robocalls, the Federal Trade Commission has offered a $50,000 award to anyone who devises a technology to block illegal automated telemarketing calls while leaving legitimate calls unaffected. What do you think?

  • “I don’t think the FTC has thought this through. Do they even realize how many jobs this would cost the scamming industry?”

    Pam Troop
    Paramedic
  • “I don’t want to brag, but our government must be doing pretty well if it’s suddenly throwing around $50,000.”

    Ky Wood
    Quilt Stuffer
  • “Make that $50,010. I’ll throw in 10 more bucks.”

    Clarence Kressel
    Well Driller
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