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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Government Shutdown Begins

With the House of Representatives unwilling to pass a budget without defunding the Affordable Care Act, and the Senate unwilling to accept such a demand, the United States government entered its first partial shutdown in 17 years at midnight. What do you think?

  • “After this stunt, I suspect incumbency rates will plummet to the high 80s.”

    Hans Kilroy Jug Maker
  • “The Holocaust Museum and cafeteria will be closed? It looks like us Washington, D.C. residents will be on our own for dinner.”

    Vanessa Coffrin Unemployed
  • “Finally, a little time for myself.”

    Curiosity Mars Rover
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