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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Government To Pay You $3,000 To Get Flu

As part of an effort to create a better flu vaccine, the National Institutes of Health announced it will pay 100 individuals up to $3,000 each to volunteer to have the flu virus sprayed into their nostrils so that they become sick and then observe them over the next nine days in a hospital. What do you think?

  • “Could they make it so I can eat the flu like a hamburger?”

    Mary Pinza Unemployed
  • “If you truly love getting sick like I do, you don’t do it for the money.”

    Charles Rivkin Country Club President
  • “Wow, the National Institutes of Health is loaded.”

    Howard Arrighi Wooden Frame Builder
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