Recent News

Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
End Of Section
  • More News

Governor Declares April ‘Confederate Heritage Month’

Mississippi governor Phil Bryant has submitted a proposal to make April “Confederate Heritage Month” in order to “reflect upon our nation’s past” and “gain insight from our mistakes and successes.” What do you think?

  • “I love hearing news about Mississippi!”

    Henry Salter Basketball Texturer
  • “For too long we have failed to honor those brave souls who paid the ultimate price so that others couldn’t be free.”

    Randy Tull Synopsis Condenser
  • “But I already put all my Confederate flags away for the season.”

    Alice Tenney Agricultural Clerk


Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.