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Governor Of 'Broke' State Hires Donor's Dropout Son

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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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Governor Of 'Broke' State Hires Donor's Dropout Son

Despite Gov. Scott Walker’s repeated claims that the State of Wisconsin is broke, his administration recently gave the college-dropout son of lobbyist and campaign donor Jerry Deschane an $81,500-a-year job overseeing environmental and regulatory matters. What do you think?

  • "Oh, my God! If you convert that from Midwest dollars, it's like $200,000 a year!"

    Mike Newsome Soundscape Artist
  • "Those who argue that hiring an unqualified dropout for such a high-level position is irrational clearly haven’t thought through how much Scott Walker disdains the environment and regulations."

    Dan Hollis Largesse Recipient
  • "You see, Wisconsin state employees? That's where many of you went wrong. You finished college."

    Jason Freeman Driver

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