Governor Of 'Broke' State Hires Donor's Dropout Son

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Vol 47 Issue 14

Detroit Pistons JumboTron Not Even Trying Anymore

AUBURN HILLS, MI—Making flippant remarks about the game such as "BASKETBALL GAME HAPPENING NOW" and "WHO REALLY GIVES A FUCK ABOUT ANY OF THIS?" the Detroit Pistons' JumboTron has reportedly stopped trying to pretend to care abou...

Oh, God, Area Man Making His Move

BRIGHTON, NY—Patrons of the Full Moon Tavern are reporting that oh, God, area man Darrell Barnes is walking right up to that beautiful woman sitting by the window.

Zip-Lining Day Trip To Somehow Save Marriage

CONCORD, NH—According to sources, the deteriorating 10-year-old marriage of Dale and Gina Byer will somehow be magically restored this weekend by a zip-lining excursion to the mountains of northern New Hampshire.

Guy In Audience Shouts Out Perfect Thing

COLUMBUS, OH—Audience members at Crossroads Cinema were treated to an unexpected delight Friday when someone in the crowd shouted out a hilarious thing at the exact right moment, sources reported.
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Governor Of 'Broke' State Hires Donor's Dropout Son

Despite Gov. Scott Walker’s repeated claims that the State of Wisconsin is broke, his administration recently gave the college-dropout son of lobbyist and campaign donor Jerry Deschane an $81,500-a-year job overseeing environmental and regulatory matters. What do you think?

  • "Oh, my God! If you convert that from Midwest dollars, it's like $200,000 a year!"

    Mike Newsome
    Soundscape Artist
  • "Those who argue that hiring an unqualified dropout for such a high-level position is irrational clearly haven’t thought through how much Scott Walker disdains the environment and regulations."

    Dan Hollis
    Largesse Recipient
  • "You see, Wisconsin state employees? That's where many of you went wrong. You finished college."

    Jason Freeman
    Driver
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