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Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 31, 2017

Aries: They say there’s nothing quite like the bond between a mother and her child, but then they have yet to see your experimental new adhesive compound. Taurus: The stars, in their infinite wisdom, recommend that you check yourself this week, as not doing so might lead you to wreck yourself in the future.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:
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Grand Theft Auto 4 Delayed

Grand Theft Auto 4, the latest installment of Take Two Interactive's extremely popular video game series, will be delayed until after Christmas of this year. What do you think?
  • "What?! I'm so fucking angry I could shoot a prostitute in the face!"

    Andy Wright Caddy
  • "Well, I suppose until then I can relax with a fine glass of wine and brush up on my Dostoevsky."

    Gus Eleusiniotis Tree Doctor
  • "That's okay. I never know what to get my friends for Martin Luther King Day, and now it looks like this video game will be out just in time."

    Janel Thayre Artist
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Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

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