‘Grand Theft Auto V’ Released

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Local Household Announces Plans To Overdo Halloween Again

HIGHLAND PARK, IL—Having hauled over a dozen boxes of lights and plastic decorations as well as a large black-cat-shaped lawn inflatable from storage, members of the Hutchcroft family announced to neighbors from their front yard Thursday their plan to completely overdo Halloween again this year.

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This Great Song, Bar Sources Report

TOMAH, WI—Pausing their conversations momentarily to call attention to the music playing on the establishment’s jukebox, sources at local bar Shepherd’s confirmed to reporters Friday that this is a great song.

‘Grand Theft Auto V’ Released

The highly anticipated new installment of the popular Grand Theft Auto series, rumored to be the most expensive video game ever made, went on sale today. What do you think?

  • “It’s nice to have a distraction from the hyperviolence of our society.”

    Summer Marshall
    Orthotic Fitter
  • “It’ll be worth the wait as soon as I get my hands around a hooker’s throat and choke her until she gives me her money.”

    Stanley Gibbs
  • “Don’t tell me what happens—I’m still on Grand Theft Auto III.”

    Donovan Thorpe
    Trapeze Artist