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Granite Countertops May Contain Uranium

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Report: Someone Needs To Get Chips And Dip Away From Area Man

EDISON, NJ—Repeatedly emphasizing that the ruffled potato chips and accompanying French onion dip were just too good, a report released Thursday confirmed that someone needs to get them away from local partygoer Ian Ashcraft before he eats the whole thing.
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Granite Countertops May Contain Uranium

Many homeowners are having to remove their new countertops because the granite in them has been found to emit hazardous levels of radon. What do you think?
  • "I wondered why my Kenmore under-cupboard Geiger counter was going crazy."

    Sharon Kypke
    Horse Trainer
  • "Get rid of my gorgeous granite countertops just because of some measly radiation emissions? I don't think so. From now on, it's daily potassium iodide tablets for me and my family."

    Dick Jefferts
    Systems Analyst
  • "It's really the kids I feel sorry for. Those spoiled, rotten kids."

    Raul Parsons
    Security Guard

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