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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Granite Countertops May Contain Uranium

Many homeowners are having to remove their new countertops because the granite in them has been found to emit hazardous levels of radon. What do you think?
  • "I wondered why my Kenmore under-cupboard Geiger counter was going crazy."

    Sharon Kypke Horse Trainer
  • "Get rid of my gorgeous granite countertops just because of some measly radiation emissions? I don't think so. From now on, it's daily potassium iodide tablets for me and my family."

    Dick Jefferts Systems Analyst
  • "It's really the kids I feel sorry for. Those spoiled, rotten kids."

    Raul Parsons Security Guard
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