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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Graphic Anti-Smoking Ads Effective

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reported that its recent anti-smoking ad campaign, which shows actual people who have suffered disease, paralysis, and amputations as a result of tobacco use, has been more successful than anticipated. What do you think?

  • “I don’t think it’s fair that the anti-smoking people can show all of the horrible consequences of smoking, but the tobacco companies can no longer show how cool it makes you look.”

    Brigid Randolph Food Truck Proprietor
  • “Big improvement over their last campaign, where they just concentrated on how good each cigarette tasted.”

    Michael Calvino Jailer
  • “Oh my God, you’ve seen those too? My favorite is the woman who lost a bunch of her fingers! What’s yours?”

    Robyn Pouch Medical Voucher Clerk

More from this section

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.

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