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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Gray Wolf Can Be Hunted Again

After nearly being driven to extinction 50 years ago, the gray wolf has been removed from the endangered list and can be hunted again. What do you think?
  • "It was really stupid to almost drive them to extinction but not finish the job. Now they're sure to want revenge."

    Barry Wydler Technical Writer
  • "It's a proud moment in preservation when we can finally remove an animal from the endangered species list in order to drive it right back toward extinction."

    Mick Ellis Shop Foreman
  • "Well, I was just going to build a taller fence to protect my sheep, but if the government says I can shoot them, I guess I should."

    Anita Bargeld Sheep Farmer

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