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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.
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Greece Votes In Pro-Euro Party

With the center-right political party New Democracy placing first in Greece's parliamentary elections, the fiscally troubled nation appears poised to remain in the 17-nation eurozone. What do you think?

  • "Good for the Greeks. Now they can get back to doing what everybody says they should be doing."

    Maxine Karlin Systems Analyst
  • "That's reassuring, because when the Greeks commit to something, their word is as good as gold for six weeks."

    Roman Siegel Ornamental Brick Installer
  • "Oh, come on, Greece. How often does a small country get the chance to screw up the entire world for generations? Not counting Israel."

    Brian Kolb Industrial Garbage Servicer

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