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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Greece Votes In Pro-Euro Party

With the center-right political party New Democracy placing first in Greece's parliamentary elections, the fiscally troubled nation appears poised to remain in the 17-nation eurozone. What do you think?

  • "Good for the Greeks. Now they can get back to doing what everybody says they should be doing."

    Maxine Karlin Systems Analyst
  • "That's reassuring, because when the Greeks commit to something, their word is as good as gold for six weeks."

    Roman Siegel Ornamental Brick Installer
  • "Oh, come on, Greece. How often does a small country get the chance to screw up the entire world for generations? Not counting Israel."

    Brian Kolb Industrial Garbage Servicer
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