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Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
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Greeks Reject Bailout-Supporting Politicians

Greeks handed a victory to anti-austerity politicians in Sunday's elections, which included a second-place finish for the Radical Left Coalition and victories for the extremist anti-immigrant party Golden Dawn. What do you think?

  • "Aw, it’s so cute that the European Central Bank is still letting them play democracy."

    Terry Eggleston Reeler
  • "As a financial analyst, I'm concerned about the effect on the world's supply of cucumber sauce."

    Leigh Greenwood Systems Analyst
  • "Golden Dawn would get my vote for their beautiful name alone. Their call to place land mines on the Greek borders is just icing on the cake."

    Bill Huettner Leader Tier

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