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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Greeks Reject Bailout-Supporting Politicians

Greeks handed a victory to anti-austerity politicians in Sunday's elections, which included a second-place finish for the Radical Left Coalition and victories for the extremist anti-immigrant party Golden Dawn. What do you think?

  • "Aw, it’s so cute that the European Central Bank is still letting them play democracy."

    Terry Eggleston Reeler
  • "As a financial analyst, I'm concerned about the effect on the world's supply of cucumber sauce."

    Leigh Greenwood Systems Analyst
  • "Golden Dawn would get my vote for their beautiful name alone. Their call to place land mines on the Greek borders is just icing on the cake."

    Bill Huettner Leader Tier
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