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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.
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Green Considered Feminine

A study conducted by OgilvyEarth, four out of five Americans said going green is "more feminine than masculine." What do you think?

  • "As a woman, I admit that watching a man gobble up every resource available without giving a thought to the impact on the environment really gets my motor running."

    Tabitha Melvoin Systems Analyst
  • "That's why I only buy organic foods that take great strength to chew."

    Roger Mark Overcoiler
  • "Well, once all of the women save the world, I intend to give them the best sex of their lives, so it all works out in the end."

    Jamie Rivkin Unemployed

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