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Greenhouse Gas Levels Reach All-Time High

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Entire Broncos Organization Announces Retirement After Super Bowl Win

‘There’s Nothing Better Than Going Out On Top,’ Says Every Denver Player, Coach, Executive, Trainer, Office Administrator, Janitor

SANTA CLARA, CA—Following the team’s 24-10 victory over the Carolina Panthers in Super Bowl 50, every single member of the Denver Broncos organization officially announced their retirement Sunday.

Family, Friends Concerned After Peyton Manning Wanders Away From Pocket

SANTA CLARA, CA—Admitting to being “worried sick” after realizing he had suddenly disappeared in the middle of a play, family and friends of Peyton Manning grew incredibly concerned Sunday after the veteran Denver Broncos quarterback wandered away from the pocket during the first quarter of Super Bowl 50, sources confirmed.
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Greenhouse Gas Levels Reach All-Time High

Last year, according to the World Meteorological Organization, atmospheric concentrations of greenhouse gases—including carbon dioxide, methane, and nitrous oxide—rose to their highest levels ever recorded. What do you think?

  • “I heard we can fix this if we just agree to reuse our hotel towels.”

    Naomi Larsen
    Gynecologist
  • “Before everyone freaks out, let’s give it a few decades and see if it gets better on its own.”

    Anderson Sidley
    Unemployed
  • “That’s not true. See? It’s easy to have this not be a problem anymore.”

    Harvey Rogers
    Dairy Equipment Sterilizer

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