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Greenhouse Gas Levels Reach All-Time High

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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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Greenhouse Gas Levels Reach All-Time High

Last year, according to the World Meteorological Organization, atmospheric concentrations of greenhouse gases—including carbon dioxide, methane, and nitrous oxide—rose to their highest levels ever recorded. What do you think?

  • “I heard we can fix this if we just agree to reuse our hotel towels.”

    Naomi Larsen Gynecologist
  • “Before everyone freaks out, let’s give it a few decades and see if it gets better on its own.”

    Anderson Sidley Unemployed
  • “That’s not true. See? It’s easy to have this not be a problem anymore.”

    Harvey Rogers Dairy Equipment Sterilizer

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