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Greenhouse Gas Levels Reach All-Time High

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Voyager Probe Badly Damaged After Smashing Into End Of Universe

PASADENA, CA—Confirming that several components had broken off the craft and that most of its scientific instruments were no longer operational, officials from NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory announced that Voyager 1, the pioneering space probe launched in 1977, had been severely damaged Thursday after crashing into the end of the universe.

Leaked Documents Reveal Studio Executives Knew About ‘Gods Of Egypt’ Before It Released Onto Public

SANTA MONICA, CA—Suggesting that the disastrous events of three months ago could have been averted, federal investigators stated Wednesday that a trove of leaked documents confirmed high-ranking studio executives had full knowledge of Gods Of Egypt long before the film was released onto unsuspecting Americans.Investigators described those who allowed such a screenplay to be carried out as “extremely sick and heartless individuals.”

Books Vs. E-Readers

Though e-readers have increasingly supplanted books in the digital age, many bibliophiles defend the importance of physical texts. Here is a side-by-side comparison of physical books and e-books
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Greenhouse Gas Levels Reach All-Time High

Last year, according to the World Meteorological Organization, atmospheric concentrations of greenhouse gases—including carbon dioxide, methane, and nitrous oxide—rose to their highest levels ever recorded. What do you think?

  • “I heard we can fix this if we just agree to reuse our hotel towels.”

    Naomi Larsen Gynecologist
  • “Before everyone freaks out, let’s give it a few decades and see if it gets better on its own.”

    Anderson Sidley Unemployed
  • “That’s not true. See? It’s easy to have this not be a problem anymore.”

    Harvey Rogers Dairy Equipment Sterilizer

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