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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Ground Beef Contains Pink Slime

According to a U.S. Department of Agriculture whistleblower, 70 percent of all ground beef sold in stores contains "pink slime," beef trimmings that have had the fat removed and been treated with ammonia to kill bacteria. What do you think?

  • "That's fine as long as it's Pink Slime–brand pink slime. The generic stuff is no good."

    Bryan Lindsey Systems Analyst
  • "Why would anyone complain about free slime?"

    Daphne Kelly Manugrapher
  • “I forget—which are the bad colors of slime again?”

    Chad Green Unemployed
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