adBlockCheck

Recent News

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
End Of Section
  • More News

Ground-Beef Recall

More than 5000 pounds of Iowan ground beef was recalled due to suspicions of an E. coli contamination. What to you think?
  • "All this E. coli talk makes me wonder if I should stop eating lunch while on the toilet."

    Miriam Stollman Systems Analyst
  • "I'm sorry, but I just can't live my life worrying about every pound of raw meat I consume."

    Skip Tailor Pool Cleaner
  • "That’s it. I’m just eating high-fructose corn syrup from now on."

    Phillip Alveda Mechanic
More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close