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Ground-Beef Recall

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Entire Broncos Organization Announces Retirement After Super Bowl Win

‘There’s Nothing Better Than Going Out On Top,’ Says Every Denver Player, Coach, Executive, Trainer, Office Administrator, Janitor

SANTA CLARA, CA—Following the team’s 24-10 victory over the Carolina Panthers in Super Bowl 50, every single member of the Denver Broncos organization officially announced their retirement Sunday.

Family, Friends Concerned After Peyton Manning Wanders Away From Pocket

SANTA CLARA, CA—Admitting to being “worried sick” after realizing he had suddenly disappeared in the middle of a play, family and friends of Peyton Manning grew incredibly concerned Sunday after the veteran Denver Broncos quarterback wandered away from the pocket during the first quarter of Super Bowl 50, sources confirmed.
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Ground-Beef Recall

More than 5000 pounds of Iowan ground beef was recalled due to suspicions of an E. coli contamination. What to you think?
  • "All this E. coli talk makes me wonder if I should stop eating lunch while on the toilet."

    Miriam Stollman
    Systems Analyst
  • "I'm sorry, but I just can't live my life worrying about every pound of raw meat I consume."

    Skip Tailor
    Pool Cleaner
  • "That’s it. I’m just eating high-fructose corn syrup from now on."

    Phillip Alveda
    Mechanic

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