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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.
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Group Shows DNA Evidence, HD Video Of Bigfoot

A group of scientists known as the Sasquatch Genome Project unveiled the findings of a five-year, $500,000 study claiming they sequenced Bigfoot’s unique DNA and unveiling high-definition videos, photos, and thermal images of what they say are sasquatches in the wild. What do you think?

  • “Cool! Let’s kill them!”

    Oliver Beers Latex Inspector
  • “Another costly, pointless study proving something we already knew.”

    Helen French Chalkboard Maker
  • “Imagine their embarrassment if it turned out to be a plain old yeti this whole time.”

    Diego Rogers Police Negotiator

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