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Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
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Groups Oppose Perry's Prayer Meeting

Several groups, including the Texas ACLU, have voiced their opposition to Texas governor Rick Perry's participation in a day of Christian prayer and fasting this past weekend, saying it violates the separation of church and state. What do you think?

  • “Well, the Constitution does bar the establishment of a state religion, but it also guarantees an individual’s right to the free exercise of superstition, so it’s a tricky case.”

    Marvin Blair Systems Analyst
  • "As long as it's Christian prayer, I don't think it violated the separation of church and state."

    Clarice Bernier Glaze Handler
  • "Why's everybody getting so worked up? All he's going to do is pray for stuff; it's not like anything is actually going to happen."

    Jerry Schuster Rafter

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