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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Gum May Aid Colon Surgery Recovery

British researchers found that patients who chewed gum after undergoing colon surgery had bowel movements sooner than those who did not. What do you think?
  • "Not in my classroom they wouldn't have."

    Wanda Tyler Teacher
  • "Constipation is a small price to pay to maintain my loyalty to Tic Tacs."

    Paul Burbridge Systems Analyst
  • "Is anyone in that big a hurry to get these colon-less humans to shit again?"

    Andy Sohn Clothing Inspector
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