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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Gun Sales Surge After Shooting

In the wake of last Friday’s mass shooting at a midnight showing of The Dark Knight Rises, sales of firearms have surged in many states, with Colorado in particular reporting a 43 percent increase in gun sales from the previous week. What do you think?

  • “Finally, the silver lining we’ve all been waiting for.”

    Adam Lyons Dental Ceramist
  • “Be warned: They could be wasting their time and money. I own two automatic rifles and three Glocks, and still no one has invited me to join a well-regulated militia.”

    Steve Fenbert Garment Fitter
  • “It’s nice to see consumers out spending again.”

    Emily Napolitano Mail Clerk
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