Haggard Scared Straight

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Vol 43 Issue 06

Anna Nicole Dead

Anna Nicole Smith died in Miami on Thursday at the age of 39. What do you think?
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Good Times

Man Considers Nodding Approvingly After Friend’s Drink Purchase

MEQUON, WI—Seeking to convey his endorsement of his acquaintance's selection at local bar Coney's Draft House this evening, area man Thomas Dodge told reporters that he was considering nodding approvingly at his friend’s alcoholic beverage pur...

Haggard Scared Straight

The Reverend Ted Haggard, who left his ministry amidst allegations of drug use and hiring male prostitutes is now reportedly "completely straight" after three weeks of therapy. What do you think?
  • "Man, that's faster than my recovery after ACL surgery. I should have just been gay instead."

    Joseph Kennedy
    Cashier
  • "I'm skeptical. I'd want to see him have sex with a lady…my wife…I want to watch another man fuck my wife. Oh, God, what's wrong with me?!"

    Lyle Jacobs
    Big Rig Mechanic
  • "It's true. I saw that press conference where reporters tempted him by waving a bunch of meth-covered cocks in his face, and he didn't even flinch."

    Victoria Slulum
    Punch-Press Operator
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