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‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Ringo Starr Announces 26th Beatles Album With New Backing Band

‘Moonbeam Sunday’ Slated For Release On June 16

LONDON—Excitedly informing fans that the iconic pop group was back with more original music, Ringo Starr announced Tuesday that on June 16 he would be releasing a 26th Beatles album titled ‘Moonbeam Sunday’ with an all-new backing band.
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Halloween Restrictions Against Sex Offenders Blocked

Parts of a Missouri law requiring sex offenders to remain inside with the lights out on Halloween night were rejected by a judge as unenforceable. What do you think?
  • "Okay, but during the parade, they ought to stay squarely inside the sex offenders' float."

    Penny Adler Systems Analyst
  • "As a registered sex offender, I can assure you that I spend most of my time inside with the lights out anyway."

    Oscar Souble Claims Adjuster
  • "Probably because a suspiciously dark house on Halloween would attract even sexier kids."

    Glenn Bauer Heavy Equipment Mechanic

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