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Halloween Restrictions Against Sex Offenders Blocked

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Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

LOS ANGELES—Saying he can already picture exactly what the finished cut will look like on the big screen, Hollywood film director Paul Stanton told reporters Wednesday he has a clear vision of how studio executives will totally destroy his upcoming movie.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 14, 2016

ARIES: Once the laughter dies down, the party favors are put away, and the monkeys led back inside their cages, you’ll finally be given a chance to explain your side of the story.

Hollywood Stars Overthrown In Bloody C-List Uprising

LOS ANGELES—Unleashing a brutal wave of violence and destruction that has upended the entire power structure of the entertainment industry overnight, the nation’s C-list celebrities have carried out a bloody coup to overthrow the hottest stars in Hollywood, sources reported Tuesday.
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Halloween Restrictions Against Sex Offenders Blocked

Parts of a Missouri law requiring sex offenders to remain inside with the lights out on Halloween night were rejected by a judge as unenforceable. What do you think?
  • "Okay, but during the parade, they ought to stay squarely inside the sex offenders' float."

    Penny Adler Systems Analyst
  • "As a registered sex offender, I can assure you that I spend most of my time inside with the lights out anyway."

    Oscar Souble Claims Adjuster
  • "Probably because a suspiciously dark house on Halloween would attract even sexier kids."

    Glenn Bauer Heavy Equipment Mechanic

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