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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Hand-Transplant Surgery

On Jan. 25, a 37-year-old New Jersey man became the first person ever to receive a hand transplant in the U.S. What do you think about this medical breakthrough?
  • "Speaking for my fellow torch-wielding mob members, I say we find the doctor who created this abomination and burn his castle laboratory to the ground."

    Jenny<br>Borgmann Graphic<br>Designer
  • "Thanks to this miraculous medical breakthrough, soon I will finally know what it feels like to smack my son."

    Patrick Smalley Machinist
  • "The doctors say if I don't find a hand donor in the next three months, I'll die."

    Isaac Zahn Systems Analyst
  • "Would it be possible to get a squid tentacle instead?"

    Gary Rivera Chemical Engineer
  • "Now, if only modern science could develop some sort of knitted covering to slip over the newly transplanted hand to keep it warm in winter."

    Melanie Goltz Dance Instructor
  • "So if you ruin your hands you can just get new ones? Wow, this year's Passion Play is gonna be the best ever."

    Omar Redfern Bank Teller
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