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Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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Harris: Non-Christian Politicians 'Legislate Sin'

Congresswoman Katherine Harris (R-FL) recently stated that separation of church and state was "a lie," and that non-Christian elected officials would "legislate sin." What do you think?
  • "She wasn't saying that Christians are the only people fit to make laws—just that they're the only people, period."

    Wendy Raudive Customer Support
  • "As a sin lobbyist, I have to say that Harris is making it very difficult for sinner interests and the sin platform."

    Constatin Clark Sin Lobbyist
  • "What kind of lie is 'separation of church and state?' A 'the check is in the mail' kind of lie, or a 'the world was created in seven days and dinosaurs never existed' kind of lie?"

    Andy Lees Systems Analyst
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