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Google Unveils New Larry Page–Driven Car

MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—Touting the project as its most advanced foray yet into the realm of personal transportation, Google unveiled its new Larry Page–driven car at a press event Wednesday.

Trump Outlines Bold Vision For Nation’s Next Mass Protests

WASHINGTON—Stirring the emotions of citizens across the nation with his strong and affecting rhetoric, President Donald Trump outlined a bold vision for the country’s next mass protests during his address to a joint session of Congress Tuesday night.

What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.
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Harrison Ford, Mark Hamill, Carrie Fisher Return For New ‘Star Wars’ Film

After concealing the cast from fans, director J.J. Abrams finally announced this week that Harrison Ford, Mark Hamill, and Carrie Fisher will be returning for the new Star Wars film in their roles as Han Solo, Luke Skywalker, and Princess Leia. What do you think?

  • “Harrison Ford will always be Tommy Lillard from The Frisco Kid to me.”

    Calvin Jacobson Sidewalk Hoser
  • “Judging by the returning cast, it’s safe to assume the movie takes place 30 long, harrowing years after Jedi.”

    Marcia Ellsbury Systems Analyst
  • “It’s nice to know I’m not the only one who should’ve outgrown these characters 30 years ago.”

    Jack Hargrove Cream Cheese Spreader
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Trump Outlines Bold Vision For Nation’s Next Mass Protests

WASHINGTON—Stirring the emotions of citizens across the nation with his strong and affecting rhetoric, President Donald Trump outlined a bold vision for the country’s next mass protests during his address to a joint session of Congress Tuesday night.

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