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Harry Potter Opens At No. 1

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Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

LOS ANGELES—Saying he can already picture exactly what the finished cut will look like on the big screen, Hollywood film director Paul Stanton told reporters Wednesday he has a clear vision of how studio executives will totally destroy his upcoming movie.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 14, 2016

ARIES: Once the laughter dies down, the party favors are put away, and the monkeys led back inside their cages, you’ll finally be given a chance to explain your side of the story.

Hollywood Stars Overthrown In Bloody C-List Uprising

LOS ANGELES—Unleashing a brutal wave of violence and destruction that has upended the entire power structure of the entertainment industry overnight, the nation’s C-list celebrities have carried out a bloody coup to overthrow the hottest stars in Hollywood, sources reported Tuesday.
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Harry Potter Opens At No. 1

The seventh installment in the Harry Potter movie series, Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows: Part 1, opened No. 1 at the box office this weekend with a worldwide take of $330 million. What do you think?

  • "Wow. I can't say for sure, but I bet that's one of the best openings for the first part of a sixth sequel in movie history."

    Tony Pandolph Heavy Forger
  • "That's ridiculous. Those people could've spent that money chipping away at Ireland's national debt."

    Laurie McCarthy Systems Analyst
  • "I'm glad this franchise is finally wrapping up. My Hogwarts outfit from opening night of Sorcerer's Stone has become uncomfortably snug."

    Scott Murrell Unemployed

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