adBlockCheck

Harry Potter Opens At No. 1

Top Headlines

Entertainment

Hollywood Stars Overthrown In Bloody C-List Uprising

LOS ANGELES—Unleashing a brutal wave of violence and destruction that has upended the entire power structure of the entertainment industry overnight, the nation’s C-list celebrities have carried out a bloody coup to overthrow the hottest stars in Hollywood, sources reported Tuesday.

Lost Jack London Manuscript, ‘The Doggy,’ Found

RYE, NY—Workers inventorying the estate of a recently deceased Westchester County art dealer earlier this month reportedly stumbled upon a draft of a previously unknown Jack London novel titled The Doggy, and the work is already being hailed by many within the literary world as a masterpiece.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Healthy Living

Harry Potter Opens At No. 1

The seventh installment in the Harry Potter movie series, Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows: Part 1, opened No. 1 at the box office this weekend with a worldwide take of $330 million. What do you think?

  • "Wow. I can't say for sure, but I bet that's one of the best openings for the first part of a sixth sequel in movie history."

    Tony Pandolph Heavy Forger
  • "That's ridiculous. Those people could've spent that money chipping away at Ireland's national debt."

    Laurie McCarthy Systems Analyst
  • "I'm glad this franchise is finally wrapping up. My Hogwarts outfit from opening night of Sorcerer's Stone has become uncomfortably snug."

    Scott Murrell Unemployed

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close