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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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Hawaii Police Defend Prostitution Loophole

Following a move by Hawaiian legislators to tighten anti-prostitution laws, police are defending a legal exemption that allows undercover officers to have sex with prostitutes. What do you think?

  • “Seems fine to me. Normally I’d be worried about power abuses, but these are cops we’re talking about.”

    Martin Gallanter Systems Analyst
  • “Aw, man. My lame boss never encourages me to have sex with prostitutes.”

    Dustin Burton Remote-Control Programmer
  • “Sometimes the government just gets it right.”

    Cecily Insbrooke Office Supplier

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