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Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
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Hawaii Police Defend Prostitution Loophole

Following a move by Hawaiian legislators to tighten anti-prostitution laws, police are defending a legal exemption that allows undercover officers to have sex with prostitutes. What do you think?

  • “Seems fine to me. Normally I’d be worried about power abuses, but these are cops we’re talking about.”

    Martin Gallanter Systems Analyst
  • “Aw, man. My lame boss never encourages me to have sex with prostitutes.”

    Dustin Burton Remote-Control Programmer
  • “Sometimes the government just gets it right.”

    Cecily Insbrooke Office Supplier

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