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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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HBO Apologizes For Bush Decapitation

Republicans are angry following an admission by the creators of the HBO series Game Of Thrones that a scene in the season-one finale featured a severed replica of former president George W. Bush’s head on a pike. What do you think?

  • “Thus fulfilling their outrage quota for the day.”

    Rick Green Incinerator Operator
  • “Just another example of the liberal media using popular entertainment as a vehicle for displaying the dismembered heads of conservative icons.”

    Lee Willis Sales Agent
  • “I admit the head thing was pretty cruel, but they really crossed the line with those Bush-twin doubles having sex in the background of the next scene.”

    Maria Nichols Teaching Dietitian

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