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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Health Insurance Costs Shifting To Workers

Employees paid an average of 14 percent more for family health coverage this year, while the amount contributed by their employers fell by 1 percent. What do you think?

  • "Good thing I'm no longer an employee."

    Lynn Dakarian Systems Analyst
  • "That's fine. I've got perfect health and a perfect job! Thanks for stopping by to say hello!"

    Jan Kozlovsky Recruiter
  • "If you don't like it, go to Canada, where you'll die on the street waiting for medical attention and not understanding a word people say as they walk by, one after another, kicking you in the stomach for being sick."

    Warren Sackett Pollster

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