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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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Health Insurance Costs Shifting To Workers

Employees paid an average of 14 percent more for family health coverage this year, while the amount contributed by their employers fell by 1 percent. What do you think?

  • "Good thing I'm no longer an employee."

    Lynn Dakarian Systems Analyst
  • "That's fine. I've got perfect health and a perfect job! Thanks for stopping by to say hello!"

    Jan Kozlovsky Recruiter
  • "If you don't like it, go to Canada, where you'll die on the street waiting for medical attention and not understanding a word people say as they walk by, one after another, kicking you in the stomach for being sick."

    Warren Sackett Pollster
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