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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Hebrew National Hot Dogs Not Kosher?

A lawsuit filed against ConAgra Foods alleges its Hebrew National brand of hot dogs are not produced in strict accordance with Orthodox Jewish law, and therefore not kosher, despite being marketed as such. What do you think?

  • "So, there's a right way to shove a bunch of ground cow bits into an intestine?"

    Gene Dahm Rim-Roller Setter
  • "I can’t speak to the kosher qualities of Hebrew National hot dogs, but ConAgra’s Reddi-wip still adds the great taste of real whipped cream to my favorite fruits and desserts thanks to its new and improved formula. That’s the real cream advantage!"

    Renée Ambrose Dam Tender
  • "What do they want exactly? I’ve been making all the pigs we use wear tiny little yarmulkes."

    Carl Vebber Hog Farmer

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