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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.
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‘Hello Kitty’ Actually A British Schoolgirl

Fans of “Hello Kitty” were shocked after the curator for a new retrospective exhibit at the Japanese American National Museum revealed that the feline cartoon character, who has the face of a cat, is actually a third-grade British schoolgirl named Kitty White who lives outside London, though toy company Sanrio later clarified that classifying her as human is “going too far.” What do you think?

  • “The news just keeps getting worse and worse this month.”

    Amanda Giroday Bread Slicer
  • “Simply identifying as a British schoolgirl does not make you one. I learned this the hard way.”

    Steve Garwood Unemployed
  • “Well, I guess I’m in the market for a new god.”

    Michael Hudson Calendar Printer

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