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Politics

Revelations From Hillary Clinton’s New Memoir

‘What Happened,’ a new memoir detailing the trials and tribulations of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign, was released today, with Clinton supporters and detractors already divided on its contents. Here are some of Hillary’s bombshell revelations:

Joe Arpaio’s Family Surprises Him With Detained Hispanic Motorist

FOUNTAIN HILLS, AZ—In celebration of the dismissal of his conviction for criminal contempt via presidential pardon, Joe Arpaio’s family reportedly sought to surprise the former sheriff Tuesday with a 30-year-old Mexican national whom they detained on suspicion of having entered the country illegally.
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Heroin Chic

President Clinton spoke out last week against "heroin chic," the glamorization of heroin use through fashion ads depicting emaciated, strung-out-looking models. What do you think?
  • "We need to educate young people about the dangers of heroin. For example, don't buy from my uncle, because he cuts it with roach paste."

    Sheila Cobb Systems Analyst
  • "You know who's a real heroine? Bette Midler, that's who."

    Roy Lofton Stock Broker
  • "Ever since I started looking lifeless and emaciated, my popularity has soared. Thanks, AIDS!"

    Theo Buscell Legal Secretary
  • "I'm still waiting for my Boy Scout-impaling habit to become chic."

    Chris Auletta Optometrist
  • "I think Clinton might really learn to like heroin if he just got addicted to it."

    Ryan Sorghum Dairy Farmer
  • "Why do the young kids enjoy so much the heroin and the close dancing and the iron-on patches? Why can't they join a church group and play 'Stardust' on the organ to nursing home patients?"

    Candace Royer Science Teacher

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