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Politics

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.
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Heroin Chic

President Clinton spoke out last week against "heroin chic," the glamorization of heroin use through fashion ads depicting emaciated, strung-out-looking models. What do you think?
  • "We need to educate young people about the dangers of heroin. For example, don't buy from my uncle, because he cuts it with roach paste."

    Sheila Cobb Systems Analyst
  • "You know who's a real heroine? Bette Midler, that's who."

    Roy Lofton Stock Broker
  • "Ever since I started looking lifeless and emaciated, my popularity has soared. Thanks, AIDS!"

    Theo Buscell Legal Secretary
  • "I'm still waiting for my Boy Scout-impaling habit to become chic."

    Chris Auletta Optometrist
  • "I think Clinton might really learn to like heroin if he just got addicted to it."

    Ryan Sorghum Dairy Farmer
  • "Why do the young kids enjoy so much the heroin and the close dancing and the iron-on patches? Why can't they join a church group and play 'Stardust' on the organ to nursing home patients?"

    Candace Royer Science Teacher

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