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National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

Pros And Cons Of Electric Cars

With technology improving and more automobile companies releasing electric models, electric cars are becoming a common alternative for American consumers. Here are the pros and cons of electric vehicles.
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High-School Drug Testing

A Texas high school is under fire for a plan to subject students to random drug tests. What do you think of the idea of high-school drug tests?
  • "American high schools are doing a fine job without subjecting its students to oppressive drug tests. What is this, the USFR?"

    Greg Dunnert Delivery Driver
  • "We must have drug testing in schools, as our children are our greatest resource. Well, second greatest, after cobalt."

    Rachel Kinnard Teacher
  • "At least it's constitutional for Texas high-school students to pray that they pass their drug tests."

    Vance Walker Systems Analyst
  • "Isn't there some sort of medication we can prescribe kids to make them stop doing drugs?"

    Matthew Robles Banker
  • "So many kids are dying from marijuana overdoses, we had to do something."

    Linda DeMuth Physical Therapist
  • "Man, if they do that, I'm gonna take so many drugs that their, like, drug machine will blow the fuck up."

    Chad Liman Student

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