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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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High School Makes Girls’ Yearbook Photos Less Sexy

Wasatch High School in Utah is facing criticism after several female students discovered the yearbook staff had altered their photos by digitally adding sleeves and higher necklines, changes officials said were made to comply with the school’s dress code. What do you think?

  • “That’s horrible. You should only digitally alter photos of women to make them look thinner.”

    J.D. Wolfe Signal Clearance Supervisor
  • “Oh, I don’t know. I still think they’re plenty sexy.”

    David Krause Roofing Instructor
  • “And yet my daughter’s yearbook let her look like a little harlot. Shows how much they care.”

    Grace Corrollo Community Organizer
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