High U.S. Incarceration Rates

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Horrifying Police Body Camera Footage Clearly Shows Current State Of America

CINCINNATI—Following a traffic stop earlier this month by a University of Cincinnati police officer that ended in the shooting death of an unarmed black motorist, authorities confirmed Thursday that the disturbing video recorded by the officer’s body camera clearly and graphically shows the current state of America.

Deadline For Prior User To Remove Clothes From Dryer Extended 5 Minutes

JOHNSON CITY, TN—Upon finding the machine in her apartment building’s laundry room completely untouched since she last stopped by, exasperated local woman Sandra Hermus reportedly mounted all her magnanimity Monday and extended the deadline for the previous user to remove their clothing from the dryer by five minutes.
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Deadline For Prior User To Remove Clothes From Dryer Extended 5 Minutes

JOHNSON CITY, TN—Upon finding the machine in her apartment building’s laundry room completely untouched since she last stopped by, exasperated local woman Sandra Hermus reportedly mounted all her magnanimity Monday and extended the deadline for the previous user to remove their clothing from the dryer by five minutes.

High U.S. Incarceration Rates

The Justice Department reports that one in every 37 U.S. adults has been in prison, giving our nation the highest incarceration rate in the world. What do you think?
  • "Look on the bright side—36 of us are free. USA! USA! USA!"

    Joe Wengert
    Waiter
  • "I guess you can only talk about getting tough on crime for so long before you have to back it up with meaningless arrests."

    Risa Woods-Tanouye
    Receptionist
  • "Whoa. I'd better start cutting back on my citizen's arrests."

    Sarah Burns
    Title Examiner
  • "We should privatize prisons! Not because it would help the rate of incarceration. I've just always wanted to own a prison."

    Anthony King
    Sound Engineer
  • "And did you know that half of the people currently serving time were prosecuted under the Anti-Skitching Act passed in 1978 to curb wintertime pranks?"

    Bret <br>Christensen
    Systems Analyst
  • "But that can't be. I easily know 37 people and... Oh, wait. I forgot my stint for vehicular homicide in the '80s. Never mind."

    Lennon Parham
    Underwriter