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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.
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Highest Jailed Rate Ever

For the first time ever, one out of every 100 adults in the United States is in prison. What do you think?
  • "My goodness, that means that two out of every 100 adults are failures as parents."

    Kevin Slota Optometrist
  • "This points out the need for alternative sentencing, like making convicts serve food to the nation's growing prison population."

    Quinn Parnow Framer
  • "I'm not sure if they're allowed newspapers, but I'll say it anyway: Hi to Cousin Dan, Uncle Orv, my stepsister Kelsee, and also Jeff, Tom, Billy, Nick, Cody, Kalim, the Serpent, and Lester Lee."

    Buck Jansen Systems Analyst

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